Both kids are now back in school/preschool and somehow I am still stressed out. I guess having a new church calling will do that to you (especially when it is Relief Society President).
I am excited to feel a bit more stable and with it enough to do something that will stretch and challenge me. Plus it’s fun to do something new. I also love teaching and am getting to shoulder my way past OCD worries regarding whether or not I should use or print out quotations or other materials for a lesson or whatever. I used to worry a lot about copyright and all of that, and I’m trying to overcome it.
Successes
Also in the last week I submitted a book to a (small) publisher. The OCD really stifled my ability to move to the next step of actually submitting my books—I have two that I’ve finished in the last, oh, six or so years (one gospel related and one fiction)—and they have sat ruminating on my computer for months and even years (one of them) because I was afraid. I was afraid about copyrights and if I said something wrong or too similar to another author or whatever, and I didn’t want to risk it—anything—so I never sent them off. That was one of my big breakthrough’s back in spring: sending my (nonfiction) manuscript off to a publisher. They recently sent me a very nice rejection email (apparently a book on a similar topic didn’t sell well so they didn’t want to take the risk), and I sent it off to another publisher shortly thereafter. I guess I just had to push aside the OCD worries and concerns and realize that, even if it gets rejected and never gets published, it’s important that I tried. It’s not like it was getting published by my leaving it to rot on my computer. May as well take a chance.
I finally finished reading/editing my fiction book and sent that off on Monday (electronically). So now I have two “pending,” and I may never have a published book to show for any of my work…but I can be happy that I gave it a go.
In other news, I’m tired and I can’t really remember what my doctor assigned exposures were going to be. So let me look that up right now….
Homework I am not doing
Literally, my notes from my last session include some of the following:
• A book recommendation (Reid Wilson’s “Stopping the Noise in Your Head”) and a tip to watch his YouTube videos: haven’t looked into them yet. But I should!
• The phrase “bag of poop”. Apparently they sell bags of (fake) poop. I’m not sure I will look into this. My kids would get too excited.
• Purposeful exposures: (I’m the worst at these!)
• Daily challenges: whoops, forgot about those after awhile…
• Breaking worries down into exposures: I should really do this in a systematic way.
• Sit everywhere
And then some notes on how to properly wean off medication and try to be stable naturally.
So basically I’m not doing so well on keeping up with my assigned homework. Surprise, surprise. But I have been thinking about (some days are better than others) going against what the OCD wants me to do. I was doing pretty well on the first few days after my appointment and was basically rubbish at it today. Hopefully I can get back on the horse and have good things to report on next week!
How are you doing with your personal challenges? Any success stories?
I cancelled my internet. I’m going to try reading books and doing more meaningful things than Netflix and Hulu.