The other night I made a comment like “it’s been a long week and it’s only Tuesday.” That’s how I feel right now. Like I’ve been running a marathon but I’m only on mile 1 or 2. Which, in reality, is probably what I’d actually feel like if I did ever try to run a marathon.
So yes, this has been a busy week. I haven’t really been at the top of my game, as it were, but at least I’ve been playing. I’ve had a lot of opportunities to share my OCD story and received trust and understanding in return. I’ve had chances to follow the Spirit and seen why it was important to do so. And I’ve made mistakes, done the wrong thing, or just messed up. That’s life.
This week I was reminded of the whole idea that being busy helps when battling obsessive compulsive disorder. You combine a lack of activity with a hard, stressful, or difficult situation, and OCD tends to fire up and thrive. But keep your brain busy, keep your body moving, resist compulsions, and OCD tends to be held at bay.
Of course, that’s not saying that it goes away completely. Obsessions still come. I still worry about washing my hands enough, or things like that. And I often have a conscious battle in my mind over whether I will wash them again or “take a risk.” Sometimes I win, and sometimes I lose. Sometimes I’m disappointed in myself, and other times I just keep going, waiting for the next obsession.
I guess living with OCD is sort of like living life in general, dealing with temptations, etc. You have to keep enduring and making choices over and over again. It’s not like you just make one huge, intense decision and the rest of your life is free and easy. Life is an everyday battle. It’s making choices over and over again, sometimes even the same ones. And that’s OCD too. Will I keep doing these compulsions, over and over again or will I break the cycle? If I’ve broken the cycle, can I keep it broken or will I chose to do a compulsion one more time just because? And then what will happen?
So I guess I’m living now, and living with OCD. It’s just what we have to do, right?
How is your battle going? Have you been able to chose not to do any compulsions?