The last few weeks have been rough, as you probably have gathered if you’ve been reading the blog regularly.
Last Week
Father’s Day found me being taken to the ER by a concerned friend, where I was given some Xanax and sent home to await a doctor appointment the next morning. There I was given a new prescription, this time for Effexor (usually I have taken fluoxetine).
The week continued to be difficult with a lot of anxiety and simply survival from day to day and even moment to moment. My husband called my parents, and my mom came out on Thursday night to stay with us and help out with the children (since school just ended) and with my “recovery” (hopefully!).
Theory vs. Practice
Blog posts for the next little while might be sporadic but they will likely also be focused on how my exposures and recovery is going, as a sort of accountability. As my mom has expressed, I clearly know the theory and process intellectually of how to “overcome” and regain one’s life from obsessive compulsive disorder– I’ve written blog post after blog post and even a book on it! I’ve been to individual and group therapy. I’ve taken an online course on CBT. But actually putting it all into practice and facing down your fears—taking the “risk” (even though those around you think you’re being ridiculous or “know” there is no risk at all)—is a totally different story.
So here goes! I’ll post periodic updates, but wish me luck—and good luck to all of you out there doing the same!
You can do it! You have had fewer symptoms in the past and you can return to that state. Yes, it will be hard, but not as hard as living as you have been. I often tell people ERP is not fun, but how fun has life been lately anyway? If you are going to suffer anxiety anyway, isn’t it better to suffer it towards the goal of getting well rather than just spinning around in rituals that get you nowhere other than deeper and more entrenched into OCD. I think it is Dr. Grayson who says that ERP and OCD are both hard. One leads to an end in rituals and the other to endless rituals.
Also, once your Effexor is up to a therapeutic dosage, (often 250 to 375mg), that will be helpful as well. Are you experiencing less jittery feelings now that you have been on it for a week?